IELTS Essay Band 6.5: Protection of Wild Animals

Question
question icon

Some people hold that we should spend amount of time and money on the protection of wild animals.

Some people argue that they should be spent on human populations.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your submission
Although many believe human beings are the only
, I would agree with those who hold an opposite opinion that the
of other species is not tolerable as it can cause severe consequences to the whole world, and
either time or money, must be taken to prevent irreversible damages from taking place. Despite the fact that human beings are ruling the world nowadays, no creature
can live
without interacting with other
that said, the
of wild animals can affect the existence of
through
the balance
ecosystem. For example, around 20 years ago, Chinese
due to exhaustive hunting, and the population of local sheep surged in the following year and
nearly every single grass
. Five years later, the whole prairie disappeared and left a large area of desert which kept on
to hundreds of surrounding cities. Therefore, protecting wild animals actually assures the
of thousands of species in the world, including human beings. Hundreds of species are
overhunting
and
each year, thus urging us to take powerful means to protect them right away. Broadcasting the importance of ecological balance is needed, and
to local hunters, who live on hunting wild animals, are also necessary. Hence it is inevitable to invest a considerable amount of both human and financial resources to ensure the implementation of effective measures. To sum it up, I believe it is worthwhile to put in money and time to avoid the extinction of wild animals and
to everyone in the world.
to slow down the
of wild animals, thus we can
a bright future of
of human beings and thousands of other species,
.
Your band
6.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 7

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 5

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 7

Lexical Resource


Band: 6

Band breakdown
7

Task Achievement

The essay is well-written and addresses the question effectively. The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay and presents relevant ideas. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples or evidence to support the argument, exploring other aspects of the issue, and using more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples or evidence to support the argument.
  • Explore other aspects of the issue, such as the economic or ethical implications of spending resources on wildlife protection.
  • Use more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
  • Provide more detailed explanations and evidence to support the arguments.
5

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have made a good attempt at using a variety of sentence structures in your essay. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect the accuracy of your sentences and impede readability. I recommend that you review and practice verb tenses and subject-verb agreement rules, as these are areas where you made frequent errors. Also, proofread your essay to catch and correct spelling errors. To improve your grammatical range, try to use a wider variety of sentence structures. Keep practicing and you will see improvement.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a wider variety of sentence structures to increase flexibility.
  • Review and practice verb tenses and subject-verb agreement rules.
  • Proofread the essay to catch and correct spelling errors.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to convey meaning more effectively.
7

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job of organizing your essay and linking your ideas together. Your argument is clear and easy to follow, and you provide supporting evidence and examples. However, there are areas where you could improve. Your thesis statement in the introduction could be clearer and more specific. Your body paragraphs could provide more specific examples and evidence. Your conclusion could summarize the main points of your essay more succinctly. Also, try to avoid repetition of ideas and linking words to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Improve the thesis statement in the introduction to make it clearer and more specific.
  • Provide more specific examples and evidence in the body paragraphs to support your arguments.
  • Summarize the main points of the essay more succinctly in the conclusion.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas and linking words to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
6

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary in your essay, and you have used it flexibly to express your ideas. However, there are several errors in word formation and word choice that you need to address. For example, 'distinction' should be 'extinction', 'dies out' should be 'die out', and 'except' should be 'expect'. Also, make sure to use the correct words in the correct context, such as 'pasture' instead of 'paste' and 'suffering' instead of 'surffering'. Keep working on your vocabulary and aim for precision in your word choice.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Replace 'paste' with 'pasture'
  • Replace 'surffering' with 'suffering'
  • Replace 'distinction' with 'extinction'
  • Replace 'dies out' with 'die out'
  • Replace 'except' with 'expect'
Word count
327
250
327
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
4
3
4
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The answer is related to the question and the writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay. However, the precision and focus can be improved by avoiding over-generalization and providing more specific examples or evidence to support the argument.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. However, the range of structures is limited and lacks flexibility. The essay predominantly uses compound and complex sentences, with few simple sentences.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are displayed well in the essay. The writer uses logical reasoning and examples to connect ideas and arguments.