IELTS Essay Band 7: Higher Taxes on Fast Food

Question
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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food.

It is therefore necessary for governments impose to a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Your submission
As fast food is growing in popularity, so is the number of people struggling with health problems related to its consumption. So it is sometimes suggested that a
tax be imposed on such food,
. Many positive outcomes will result from increasing the tax. First,
health will be promoted. Although some consumers put emphasis
value of meals they have, many are more attracted by low prices. However,
generally leads to a price surge, the tax will make people less willing to head
fast food restaurants. Moreover, the tax will lessen the burden of medical costs
governments. Especially in countries such as Japan, where financial expenses for
dramatically increasing, the revenue from the new tax can alleviate their monetary issues. Admittedly, some would argue that imposing further
on particular industries is unfair. Their argument makes some sense in terms of protecting the market of free competition, whereas fast food companies should be aware that their products are actually doing harm to people’s health, which governments must
. In fact,
gradually, for example
at the
, then the restaurant owners will be able to deal with it. Overall, adding a
tax seems to improve both citizens’ health and governments’ financial handling. Therefore, as long as
is planned carefully, I think raising the tax on fast food is a preferable measure to take.
Your band
7
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 7

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 7

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 7

Lexical Resource


Band: 7

Band breakdown
7

Task Achievement

The essay is well-written and the writer's position is clear. The ideas are relevant and well-developed. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples or data to support the arguments, and by providing a more detailed explanation of how the tax increase will lead to improved health and reduced medical costs. The writer could also discuss potential drawbacks or challenges of implementing such a tax.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples or data to support the arguments.
  • Provide a more detailed explanation of how the tax increase will lead to improved health and reduced medical costs.
  • Discuss potential drawbacks or challenges of implementing such a tax.
7

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have demonstrated a good understanding of English sentence structures in your essay. However, there are a few grammatical errors that you should pay attention to. These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do affect the overall quality of your writing. I suggest that you review the use of prepositions and practice forming complex sentences to improve your accuracy. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility.
  • Review the use of prepositions to avoid errors.
  • Practice forming complex sentences to improve accuracy.
7

Coherence and Cohesion

You have written a well-structured essay with a clear argument and logical progression of ideas. Your use of cohesive devices and referencing is effective in linking ideas and arguments. However, you could improve your essay by providing a brief overview of the main points in the introduction, providing more specific examples in the body paragraphs, providing a more detailed summary of the main points and a stronger restatement of your stance in the conclusion, and avoiding repetition of ideas and linking words.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide a brief overview of the main points in the introduction.
  • Provide more specific examples in the body paragraphs to support the arguments.
  • Provide a more detailed summary of the main points and a stronger restatement of the writer's stance in the conclusion.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas and linking words.
7

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a strong command of vocabulary in this essay. Your word choice is generally precise and appropriate, and you have used a wide range of vocabulary to express your ideas. However, there are a few areas where you could improve. For example, the phrase 'head for fast food restaurants' is a bit informal and could be replaced with 'patronize fast food restaurants'. Also, be sure to check your work for errors in word formation and word choice. Overall, your lexical resource is strong, but there is always room for improvement.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Replace 'head for fast food restaurants' with 'patronize fast food restaurants'.
  • Correct the phrase 'if tax increase in carried out gradually' to 'if tax increase is carried out gradually'.
  • Try to use more sophisticated vocabulary to express your ideas.
Word count
256
250
256
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
4
3
4
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The answer is directly related to the question and the writer's position is clear. However, the precision and focus can be improved by providing more specific examples and data to support the arguments.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a variety of structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. The range of structures is wide, demonstrating a good understanding of English sentence forms.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are displayed well in the essay. The writer uses cohesive devices and referencing to connect ideas and arguments.