IELTS Essay Band 7.5: Apology to a friend, broken bowl

Question
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While your friend was away on vacation, you stayed in his apartment. While you were there, you dropped an expensive bowl and broke it.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter

  • explain what happened
  • apologize for the accident
  • tell your friend what you plan to do about the bowl
Your submission
Dear Richard, How are you? I hope that you, Jessica, and Adam have enjoyed your long vacation in Italy. I'm writing this letter to apologize for breaking your bowl while I was staying at your apartment. So, you are probably wondering how
I broke the bowl. This happened on the last day of my stay at your place when I decided to clean the apartment. After cleaning the floor
it became very slippery, and, unfortunately, I didn't notice that. I was carrying my bag as I was walking next to the table in the living room, then I fell on the table and broke your bowl. I'm so sorry for smashing your bowl. The bowl is expensive, and I remember that you bought it last year during your visit to Egypt, which makes it extra valuable for you. To make it up for you, I contacted one of my friends in Egypt to get you a new bowl
design. Of course this one won't have the same value as the one I broke, but I hope you accept it. Best
Jonah
Your band
7.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 7

Grammar


Band: 8

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 7

Lexical Resource


Band: 7

Band breakdown
7

Task Achievement

You have done a good job in addressing the task. The purpose of the letter is clear, and you have addressed each part of the question. The tone is appropriate and consistent. However, you could have been more direct in stating the purpose of the letter and provided more details about the replacement bowl. Also, expressing more remorse for the accident could have made the letter more effective.

Band breakdown & tips
  • State the purpose of the letter immediately after the greetings.
  • Provide more details about the replacement bowl, such as when and how it will be delivered.
  • Express more remorse for the accident.
8

Grammar

You have done an excellent job in terms of grammatical range and accuracy. Your sentences are well-structured and clear, and you have used a variety of sentence forms. Your punctuation is also well managed. Keep up the good work, and try to incorporate more varied vocabulary in your writing.

Band breakdown & tips
  • The essay is already well-written in terms of grammar and sentence structure. However, the writer could use more varied vocabulary to enhance the richness of the text.
7

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job of organizing your ideas and linking them together in a logical manner. Your use of cohesive devices, such as sequencing and reasons, is effective in guiding the reader through your text. However, you could improve your essay by using more varied cohesive devices and more complex sentence structures. Keep practicing and you will continue to improve.

Band breakdown & tips
  • The writer could use more varied cohesive devices, such as contrast or restating, to enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
  • The writer could also use more complex sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
7

Lexical Resource

You have done a good job in using a wide range of vocabulary in your essay. Your word choice is precise and appropriate, and you have used vocabulary flexibly to express your thoughts and feelings. However, you could improve your Lexical Resource score by using more idiomatic expressions and experimenting with more complex sentence structures. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • Try to use more idiomatic expressions to make your writing more natural and fluent.
  • Experiment with more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
Your strong phrases
I'm writing this letter to apologize for breaking your bowl
I'm so sorry for smashing your bowl
To make it up for you, I contacted one of my friends in Egypt to get you a new bowl with similar design
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