IELTS Essay Band 7.5: Apology to a friend, broken bowl

Question
question icon

While your friend was away on vacation, you stayed in his apartment. While you were there, you dropped an expensive bowl and broke it.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter:

  • explain what happened
  • apologize for the accident
  • tell your friend what you plan to do about the bowl
Your submission
Dear Richard, How are you? I hope that you, Jessica, and John have enjoyed your long vacation in Italy. I'm writing this letter to apologize for breaking your bowl while I was staying at your apartment. So, you are probably wondering how
I broke the bowl. This happened on the last day of my stay at your place when I decided to clean the apartment. After
it became very slippery, and, unfortunately, I didn't notice that. I was carrying my bag as I was walking next to the table in the living room, then
and broke your bowl. I'm so sorry for smashing your bowl. The bowl is expensive, and I remember that you bought it last year during your visit to Egypt, which makes it extra valuable for you. To
, I contacted one of my friends in Egypt to get you a new bowl
.
, but I hope you accept it. Best
Jonah
Your band
7.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 7

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 8

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 7

Lexical Resource


Band: 8

Band breakdown
7

Task Achievement

You have done a good job in addressing the task. The purpose of the letter is clear and you have addressed each part of the question. However, you could have been more direct in stating the purpose of the letter in the first paragraph. Also, providing more details about the replacement bowl and expressing more remorse for the accident would have made your letter more effective.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Start the letter by stating the purpose immediately.
  • Provide more details about the replacement bowl, such as when and how it will be delivered.
  • Express more remorse for the accident.
8

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have done an excellent job in terms of Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Your sentences are well-structured and varied, and you have made no significant grammatical errors. Your punctuation is also well managed. However, you could further improve by using a wider variety of sentence structures, such as passive voice or conditional sentences. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • The grammatical range of this answer is already quite good, but could be extended by using more varied sentence structures, such as passive voice ('The bowl was broken by me.') or conditional sentences ('If I had noticed the slippery floor, I wouldn't have broken the bowl.')
7

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job in maintaining coherence and cohesion in your essay. Your ideas are logically organized and easy to follow. You have used a variety of cohesive devices effectively. However, you could improve your essay by using more varied cohesive devices and more complex sentence structures. Also, try to include more specific details to make your essay more engaging and interesting.

Band breakdown & tips
  • The writer could use more varied cohesive devices to enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
  • The writer could use more complex sentence structures to express the same idea in different ways.
  • The writer could use more specific details to make the essay more engaging and interesting.
8

Lexical Resource

You have done an excellent job in terms of lexical resource. Your vocabulary is varied and appropriate, and you have demonstrated a high level of precision in your word choice. You have also used vocabulary flexibly, and have included some less common words and phrases. There are no significant errors in word formation or word choice. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • The essay is well-written and does not require significant improvements in terms of lexical resource. However, the writer could consider using more complex vocabulary or idiomatic expressions to further enhance their writing. For example, instead of 'I fell on the table and broke your bowl', they could say 'I took a tumble and inadvertently shattered your bowl'.
  • The phrase 'how on the earth' could be replaced with the more common phrase 'how on earth'.
  • Instead of 'I'm so sorry for smashing your bowl', the writer could say 'I deeply regret the unfortunate incident that led to the destruction of your bowl'.
Word count
189
150
189
Recommended word count: 150+
Paragraph count
4
3
4
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing clarity
The purpose of the letter is already clear. However, the writer could have been more direct in the first paragraph by stating the purpose of the letter immediately.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a variety of structures including simple sentences ('I'm so sorry for smashing your bowl.'), compound sentences ('The bowl is expensive, and I remember that you bought it last year during your visit to Egypt, which makes it extra valuable for you.'), and complex sentences ('After cleaning the floor with a detergent it became very slippery, and, unfortunately, I didn't notice that.'). The range of structures is wide and varied.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas in the essay are displayed well. The writer starts by explaining the situation, then moves on to describe how the incident happened, followed by an apology and a solution to the problem. The ideas are logically connected and easy to follow.