IELTS Essay Band 5.5: Too many choices

Question
question icon

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your submission
It is a common belief that people in modern life do not
. However, I firmly believe that due to the Internet and transportation developments, there are
.
. Except the physical stores that people
familiar with for a long time,
. Thanks to technology,
.
that
,
is more complicated than before, which also makes it more time-consuming. Because people need to search on the Internet to view more than three pages, on average, to make
, unlike days in the past that people
barely go outside their own
. Yet
that people need to make, such as the place to travel or where to live.
that because more and more students choose to study
rather than domestically,
about lots of schools. To sum up, because of the Internet and transportation development,
. Nevertheless, it is hard to deny that
.
Your band
5.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 5

Grammar


Band: 4

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 6

Lexical Resource


Band: 6

Band breakdown
5

Task Achievement

The essay does address the question, but the argument is not clearly developed. The writer agrees that there are too many choices nowadays, but does not explain why this is a problem. The examples provided do not directly support the argument. The structure of the essay could also be improved, with clearer focus in the body paragraphs. Overall, the essay needs more development and focus.

Band breakdown & tips
  • The writer could improve the essay by providing clear examples that directly support the argument.
  • The writer should clearly explain why having more choices is a problem.
  • The writer should focus on developing their ideas more fully.
  • The writer should improve the structure of the essay by making sure each paragraph supports the argument.
4

Grammar

You have made a good attempt at writing an essay, but there are several areas where you need to improve. Your use of verb forms, articles, and prepositions is often incorrect, and this can make your writing difficult to understand. You also need to expand your range of sentence structures to avoid repetition. Your spelling is generally good, but there are a few errors that you need to correct. Finally, you need to work on constructing complex sentences correctly. Keep practicing and you will improve.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Improve your understanding and use of verb forms, articles, and prepositions.
  • Expand your range of sentence structures to avoid repetition.
  • Proofread your essay to catch and correct spelling errors.
  • Work on constructing complex sentences correctly.
6

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job of presenting a clear and logical argument in your essay. Your use of linking words and phrases effectively guides the reader through your argument. However, you could improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases, improving the connections between some sentences within the paragraphs, and reducing the repetition of ideas and words.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases
  • Improve the connections between some sentences within the paragraphs
  • Reduce the repetition of ideas and words
6

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary in your essay, and you have used this vocabulary flexibly to discuss the topic. However, there are a few areas where you could improve. Firstly, there are some errors in spelling and word formation that you should correct. Secondly, there are some instances where you could have chosen more precise words or phrases. Finally, ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and clear in meaning. Keep practicing and you will continue to improve.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Improve your spelling and word formation.
  • Use more precise words or phrases where appropriate.
  • Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and clear in meaning.
Your strong phrases
It is a common belief that people in modern life do not own choices enough
due to the Internet and transportation developments
there are too many options for people nowadays than it used to be
Thanks to technology, it provides people not only how to shop, but also more choices that people can possess
the transportation development has absolutely gives us more choices
it enriches people's life

You deserve a better score!

Unlock the power of IELTSWritingPro and gain a competitive edge in your IELTS exam preparations. Our software employs advanced algorithms tailored to assess your essays based on the four core evaluation criteria, making it easier than ever to identify weak points and perfect your writing.

logo
Copyright 2023 IELTSWritingPro. All rights reserved.
IELTS is a registered trademark of University of Cambridge ESOL, the British Council, and IDP Education Australia. IELTSWritingPro is not affiliated, approved or endorsed by the University of Cambridge ESOL, the British Council, and IDP Education Australia.
Terms & ConditionsPrivacy Policy