IELTS Essay Band 5: Too many choices

question icon

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your submission
It is a common belief that people in modern life
. However, I firmly believe that due to the Internet and transportation developments,
. To begin with the shops people can choose these days.
that people
familiar with for a long time,
. Thanks to technology, it provides people
, but also more choices that people can possess.
that before a person
is more complicated than before, which also makes it more time-consuming. Because people need to search on the Internet to view more than three pages, on average, to make
, unlike days in the past that people
barely go outside their own country,
more choices. Yet this has also
that people need to make, such as the place to travel or where to live.
has shown that because more and more students choose to
rather than domestically,
more considerations about lots of schools. To sum up, because of the Internet and transportation development,
. Nevertheless,
Your band
Overall band


Task Achievement

Band: 5

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band: 5

Coherence & Cohesion

Band: 4

Lexical Resource

Band: 5

Band breakdown

Task Achievement

Your essay touches on relevant points regarding the abundance of choices due to technological advancements. However, the position is not clearly stated, and the development of ideas lacks depth and specificity. The structure needs to be clearer, with distinct paragraphs for each main idea. There are also grammatical errors and a contradiction that need to be addressed. Expanding on your ideas with more detailed examples and ensuring your essay directly responds to the question will strengthen your Task Response.


Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have made a good attempt at addressing the prompt, but there is room for improvement in your grammatical range and accuracy. Frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and missing articles, detract from the clarity of your argument. I encourage you to focus on expanding your use of complex sentence structures and paying close attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, proofreading your work for spelling errors will enhance the professionalism of your writing. Keep practicing, and you will see improvement.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex and compound-complex sentences.
  • Improve verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement.
  • Include articles where necessary for clarity.
  • Ensure proper pluralization of nouns.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have made an attempt to address the topic, but there is room for improvement in the coherence and cohesion of your essay. The logical flow of ideas is not clear, and the relationship between them could be better articulated. To enhance the clarity of your message, consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. Additionally, focus on developing each paragraph around a single main idea, supported by relevant details and examples. Pay attention to paragraphing, as it can greatly aid in organizing your thoughts and presenting a logical argument. With practice and attention to these aspects, you can improve the coherence and cohesion of your writing.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main idea.
  • Employ a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, consequently, in contrast) to link ideas more effectively.
  • Ensure each paragraph expands on a single main idea with supporting details and examples.
  • Use synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition of words and phrases.
  • Improve the conclusion by summarizing the main points and restating the thesis in a compelling way.

Lexical Resource

You have made a commendable effort in addressing the topic, but there is room for improvement in your Lexical Resource. The range of vocabulary you've used is somewhat limited and could benefit from greater variation to avoid repetition. Additionally, there are several instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that need to be addressed. For example, 'do not own choices enough' could be more naturally expressed as 'do not have enough choices'. Moreover, attention to detail in spelling and word formation is crucial, as seen in 'purchasea' and 'study aborad', which should be 'purchase a' and 'study abroad', respectively. To enhance your essay, consider using synonyms and more precise language to convey your ideas more effectively. With practice and attention to these aspects, you can improve the flexibility and precision of your vocabulary usage.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Replace 'do not own choices enough' with 'do not have enough choices' for clarity.
  • Use 'purchase a' instead of 'purchasea' to correct the word formation.
  • Instead of 'more choices that people can possess', use 'a wider array of options available to consumers'.
  • Change 'produce more decisions' to 'lead to more decisions' for more natural phrasing.
  • Correct 'people tends' to 'people tend' for grammatical accuracy.
  • Replace 'study aborad' with 'study abroad' to correct the spelling error.
  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition, such as 'variety' instead of 'choices' when appropriate.
Word count
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The answer is somewhat related to the question but lacks precision and focus. To improve, the essay should directly address the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement, providing clear reasons and relevant examples.
Grammatical structures
Structures used include simple sentences, compound sentences, and a few complex sentences. The range of structures is somewhat limited and repetitive.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are not clearly displayed. The essay would benefit from more explicit connections between the points made and the overall argument.