IELTS Essay Band 6.5: Career, Social Status

Question
question icon

Some people choose a career according to the social status and salary it will give them. Others choose a career according to whether they will enjoy the work.

Which do you think is the best way to choose a career?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your submission
Many people opine that the main factors to be considered when
career are its income and social status. Others disagree with this claim and argue that one should always aim to pursue a career that he/she would enjoy. Personally, I agree with the
There are several advantages
a prestigious job
salary. Having a job with
has always been seen as a form of financial security, as people feel safer when they can easily pay their bills. Moreover, people always think
of
working in jobs with prestigious social status, such as doctors and engineers. However, persons may feel dissatisfied about working
if they do not like their field of specialization. For example, it would be difficult for a doctor to
career if
not passionate about medicine. On the other hand, there are also many benefits one could gain from having a career
he/she genuinely enjoys. Firstly, employees would be
they
their work. For example, a recent study has shown that there is a strong connection between creativity and
love
their profession. Secondly, it would lower the probability of being
working. In conclusion, having a prestigious job
salary may provide financial security; however, it
unhappy if they do not love their profession.
have a higher chance of becoming creative if they
in a career they love and feel passionate about. Personally, I agree that
always choose the job they enjoy the most.
Your band
6.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 6

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 6

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 7

Lexical Resource


Band: 6

Band breakdown
6

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the question and presents a clear position, agreeing with the perspective that choosing a career based on enjoyment is the best approach. However, the development of ideas could be improved by providing more specific examples and by exploring the implications of each perspective in more depth. The transitions between ideas could also be smoother to improve the flow of the essay.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples to support each perspective.
  • Explore the implications of each perspective in more depth.
  • Improve the transitions between ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly.
  • Avoid repetition of certain phrases to improve the precision and focus of the essay.
6

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have made a good attempt at using a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement, use of articles, and pronoun usage. These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do cause some confusion. I recommend that you work on these areas to improve your grammatical range and accuracy. Keep practicing and you will surely improve.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a wider range of sentence structures to increase complexity and variety.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement.
  • Use articles correctly.
  • Ensure correct pronoun usage.
7

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job of organizing your essay and linking your ideas together. Your argument is clear and easy to follow. However, you could improve your essay by providing more specific examples to support your points. Also, try to provide a brief overview of the points that will be discussed in the essay in your introduction, and summarize the points discussed in the essay and restate your opinion in your conclusion.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Try to provide more specific examples to support your points.
  • In the introduction, provide a brief overview of the points that will be discussed in the essay.
  • In the conclusion, summarize the points discussed in the essay and restate your opinion.
6

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary in your essay, and you have used your words flexibly to express your ideas. However, there are some errors in your word choice, such as using 'persons' instead of 'people' or 'individuals', and 'later opinion' instead of 'latter opinion'. These errors can make your writing sound unnatural. Try to use more varied vocabulary to express the idea of 'enjoying work'. Overall, your lexical resource is generally good, but there is room for improvement.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Replace 'persons' with 'people' or 'individuals'.
  • Replace 'later opinion' with 'latter opinion'.
  • Use more varied vocabulary to express the idea of 'enjoying work', such as 'finding fulfillment in work' or 'being passionate about one's job'.
Word count
278
250
278
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
4
3
4
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The answer is related to the question and addresses both perspectives of choosing a career based on social status and salary, and choosing a career based on enjoyment. However, the precision and focus can be improved by providing more specific examples and by avoiding repetition of certain phrases.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, the range of structures is limited and rather repetitive.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are displayed well in the essay. The writer clearly shows the contrast between the two views on the topic and how they relate to each other.