The phrase should be 'these kinds of jobs' to correctly use the plural form after 'these'.

The modal verb 'would' should be 'could' to indicate possibility, and 'persons' should be 'people' for consistency and to sound more natural.

Correcting the adjective 'later' to 'latter' to properly indicate the second of two things mentioned. Also removing the extra period for correct punctuation.

The verb 'decide to work' should be 'choose to work' to better match the context of making a career choice.

The word 'persons' should be 'people' for consistency and to sound more natural.

The phrase 'high salaries' should be singular 'high salary' to match the singular noun 'job'.

Adding 'out' to the adjective 'stressed' to form the phrasal adjective 'stressed out', which more accurately conveys the intended meaning.

There should be a space between 'enjoy' and 'his/her' to separate the words.

The phrase 'for working' should be 'of working' to correctly convey the meaning of possessing certain advantages.

The phrase 'creative if' should include 'more' to indicate a comparative degree of creativity.

Adding the article 'a' to modify the noun 'decent' correctly, providing clarity and proper structure.

Adding the article 'a' before 'decent' to correctly modify the noun that follows, providing proper sentence structure.

Adding the preposition 'on' after 'deciding' to correctly form the phrasal verb 'deciding on', which is the proper construction.

There should be a space between 'he/she' and 'is' to separate the words.

The possessive form 'persons'' should be 'people's' to match the plural noun 'people'.

The word 'persons' is less common and sounds formal; 'people' is more appropriate in this context.

Replacing 'Whereas' with 'While' to introduce a contrast in a more conventional and appropriate manner.

Replacing 'which' with 'that' to introduce a defining relative clause, which is necessary for the sentence's meaning.

Replacing the adjective 'high' with the adverb 'highly' to correctly modify the verb that follows.

Changing the verb 'love' to its past tense form 'loved' to maintain the correct tense consistency within the context.

Changing the preposition 'for' to 'of' to correctly indicate possession or belonging.

IELTS Essay Band 6.5: Career, Social Status