IELTS Essay band 8.5: Career, Social Status

Question
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Some people choose a career according to the social status and salary it will give them. Others choose a career according to whether they will enjoy the work.

Which do you think is the best way to choose a career?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your submission
Many people opine that the main factors to be considered when
career are its income and social status. Others disagree with this claim and argue that one should always aim to pursue a career that he/she would enjoy. Personally, I agree with the
opinion. There are several advantages
working a prestigious job
salary. Having a job with
has always been seen as a form of financial security, as people feel safer when they can easily pay their bills. Moreover, people always think
of persons working in jobs with prestigious social status, such as doctors and engineers. However, persons may feel dissatisfied about working these
of jobs if they do not like their field of specialization. For example, it would be difficult for a doctor to
career if
not passionate about medicine. On the other hand, there are also many benefits one could gain from having a career
he/she genuinely enjoys. Firstly, employees would be creative if they
their work. For example, a recent study has shown that there is a strong connection between creativity and persons' love for their profession. Secondly, it would lower the probability of being
working. In conclusion, having a prestigious job with decent salary may provide financial security; however, it would make persons unhappy if they do not love their profession.
persons would have a higher chance of becoming creative if they
to work in a career they love and feel passionate about. Personally, I agree that persons should always choose the job they enjoy the most.
Your band
6.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 7

Grammar


Band: 5

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 7

Lexical Resource


Band: 7

Band breakdown
7

Task Achievement

You have done a good job of addressing the question and providing a clear and focused answer. Your essay is well-structured and logically organized. However, you could improve your essay by providing more specific examples to support your points and further developing your ideas. Also, try to summarize your points more concisely in the conclusion.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples to support the points in the body paragraphs.
  • Further develop the ideas by discussing more advantages and disadvantages of each perspective.
  • Improve the conclusion by summarizing the points more concisely.
5

Grammar

You have made a good attempt at writing an essay, but there are several areas where you could improve. Your use of sentence structures is limited and repetitive, and there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and pronoun use. However, your punctuation is generally well managed, and your errors do not significantly impede communication. I would suggest that you work on improving your grammar and increasing the variety of sentence structures you use.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Improve subject-verb agreement
  • Use pronouns correctly
  • Increase the variety of sentence structures used
7

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job of presenting a clear and coherent argument in your essay. Your use of linking words and phrases helps to guide the reader through your argument, and your organization of ideas is logical and effective. However, you could improve the flow of your essay by using a greater variety of linking words and phrases, and by avoiding repetition of ideas and phrases. Additionally, providing more specific examples would strengthen your argument.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a greater variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases.
  • Provide more specific examples to support the argument.
7

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary in your essay. Your word choice is precise and you have used vocabulary flexibly to express your ideas. However, there are a few areas where you could improve. Try to use more uncommon or idiomatic expressions to enhance your vocabulary range. Also, avoid repeating the same words or phrases to increase the variety of your vocabulary. Finally, make sure to proofread your essay to correct any typing errors or mistakes in word formation.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Try to use more uncommon or idiomatic expressions to enhance your vocabulary range.
  • Avoid repeating the same words or phrases, such as 'persons', to increase the variety of your vocabulary.
  • Proofread your essay to correct any typing errors or mistakes in word formation.
Your strong phrases
financial security
strong connection between creativity and persons' love for their profession
higher chance of becoming creative
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