IELTS Essay Band 6: Power of Advertising

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Today, the high sales of popular goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your submission
Advertisements have played a major role in influencing people’s choice of products irrespective of their needs.
would like to discuss my opinion in favour of the said statement.
made the internet an easily accessible source.
and its various search engines have been flooded with numerous advertisements done by
their innumerable admirers fall for this tactic and end up buying products which might not be of use to them. For instance, in a recent interview a renowned cricketer was seen drinking a particular beverage which led to a drastic increase in the sales of that beverage. Many such instances have been noted which have led to overwhelming sales of a particular product just because a famous celebrity was seen using it or advertising it. In addition,
been one
the oldest modes of advertising and is still quite popular
. In the past, newspapers were used predominantly but in the present with
of platforms to showcase products they are not as popular anymore. Furthermore, many apps have mandatory ads
cannot be skipped and thus
people to watch them. This could also contribute to many wishful purchases. Subsequently, advertisements target
insecurities and make
of money out of them. Many times, the contents of these ads are quite racist and demeaning. For instance, fairness cream ads that portray a dark-skinned person turning
using the fairness cream. They promote racism and make people who are dark skinned feel inferior. Another exploited area includes products
focus on weight loss. They showcase that loss of excess fat is possible by drinking a particular tea or wearing a particular material. Many fall prey to them and get disheartened when they don’t work As of late, many companies have been paying popular
to review and advertise their products, especially their latest gadgets. At times their reliability can be questionable but most of the time they seem
. However, even this can contribute to an increasing number of unwanted purchases especially among gadget freaks. In conclusion, even though advertising has its benefits, in my opinion the
the benefits. Many industries have thrived using advertisements to attract people
buying their product even when not required.
Your band
Overall band


Task Achievement

Band: 6

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band: 5

Coherence & Cohesion

Band: 6

Lexical Resource

Band: 7

Band breakdown

Task Achievement

The essay is generally well-written and addresses the question, but could be improved in several ways. The writer has taken a clear position and provided relevant arguments, but these could be more specific and detailed. The organization of the essay could also be improved for better clarity and logic. Overall, the writer has demonstrated a good understanding of the topic and has made a convincing argument.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.
  • Provide more specific and detailed examples and evidence.
  • Organize the essay in a more logical manner.
  • Clarify some statements for better understanding.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have made a good attempt at writing an essay, but there are several areas that need improvement. Your sentence structures are somewhat repetitive, and there are numerous grammatical errors that impede readability. You should work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and ensuring that your grammar is correct. Additionally, you should proofread your essay for spelling errors. Keep practicing and you will improve.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use a wider variety of sentence structures.
  • Review and correct grammatical errors related to verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.
  • Proofread the essay for spelling errors.
  • Ensure that complex sentences are grammatically correct.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job of organizing your ideas and developing your argument. Your use of examples and explanations to support your main points is effective. However, you could improve your essay by making your thesis statement more specific and clear in the introduction, focusing each body paragraph on one main idea with supporting details, and summarizing the main points and restating the thesis in a new way in the conclusion. Also, try to avoid repetition of ideas and linking words, and use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas and sentences.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Try to make your thesis statement more specific and clear in the introduction.
  • Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea with supporting details.
  • In the conclusion, summarize the main points and restate the thesis in a new way.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas and linking words.
  • Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas and sentences.

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a strong command of vocabulary in this essay. Your word choice is generally precise and appropriate, and you have used a wide range of vocabulary to discuss the topic. However, there are a few areas where your word choice could be improved. For example, the term 'gadget freaks' is informal and may not be suitable for an academic essay. Similarly, the phrase 'tonnes of money' is also informal and could be replaced with 'a significant amount of money'. There are also a few errors in word formation that need to be corrected. Overall, your lexical resource is strong, but there is still room for improvement.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Replace 'gadget freaks' with 'technology enthusiasts'.
  • Replace 'tonnes of money' with 'a significant amount of money'.
  • Correct 'you tubers' to 'YouTubers' and 'vlogger' to 'vloggers'.
  • Reword 'the drawback outweighs the benefits' to 'the drawbacks outweigh the benefits'.
Word count
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The essay is related to the question and the writer has taken a clear position agreeing with the statement. However, the essay could be more precise and focused by directly addressing the question in the introduction and conclusion. The writer could also improve precision by providing more specific examples and evidence to support their arguments.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, the range of structures is limited and rather repetitive. The essay could benefit from a wider variety of sentence structures.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are displayed well in the essay. The writer uses examples and explanations to support the main ideas.