IELTS Essay Band 8.5: Gap between the rich and the poor

Question
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The gap between rich and poor continues to widen in many countries.

What solutions can be implemented to reduce income inequality and promote social cohesion?

Your submission
Income inequality has become a pressing concern in numerous countries as the gap between the rich
continues to widen. This essay aims to identify the primary causes of income inequality and propose potential solutions to tackle this persistent issue. One significant cause of income inequality is the unequal distribution of wealth and resources. Factors such as inheritance, access to quality education, and job opportunities contribute to the perpetuation of disparities. Additionally, globalization and technological advancements have led to the polarization of the labor market, with high-skilled workers benefiting while low-skilled workers face increased job insecurity and wage stagnation. Another major factor is the influence of institutional and policy frameworks. Favorable tax systems, loopholes, and subsidies often benefit the affluent, exacerbating income inequality. Insufficient social welfare programs, inadequate minimum wage standards, and limited access to healthcare and education further widen the divide. Discrimination based on gender, race, or ethnicity also plays a role in income disparities, impeding social mobility and creating systemic disadvantages for marginalized communities. Addressing income inequality requires a comprehensive and multi-faceted approach. First and foremost, governments should focus on progressive taxation, closing tax loopholes, and implementing policies that redistribute wealth more equitably. Enhancing access to quality education and vocational training can provide individuals with better employment prospects and promote upward mobility. Strengthening social safety nets, including robust healthcare and welfare systems, can mitigate the impact of economic shocks and provide a safety net for the most vulnerable. In conclusion, income
a combination of factors,
distribution of wealth, systemic disadvantages, and inadequate policies. Tackling this issue requires a concerted effort, encompassing tax reforms, improved access to education, and strengthened social welfare programs to
inclusive and
.
Your band
8.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 9

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 8

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 8

Lexical Resource


Band: 9

Band breakdown
9

Task Achievement

This is a well-written essay that clearly addresses the question. You have identified the main causes of income inequality and proposed relevant solutions. Your ideas are well-developed and logically presented. To further improve, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points, and further elaborate on how your proposed solutions would work in practice.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made.
  • Provide more detailed evidence to support the points made.
  • Further elaborate on how the proposed solutions would work in practice.
8

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have demonstrated a strong command of grammatical structures and punctuation in this essay. Your sentences are well formed and error-free, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion of your argument. However, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety and sentence variety. Consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and varied sentence starters to enhance your grammatical range.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use more varied sentence starters to avoid repetition.
  • Incorporate more advanced vocabulary to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
  • Use more varied linking words to improve cohesion.
8

Coherence and Cohesion

You have written a well-structured and coherent essay. Your ideas are logically organized and your arguments are clearly presented. You have used a variety of cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in your introduction and conclusion. Consider including a brief overview of your main points in the introduction and a stronger final statement in the conclusion. Also, be mindful of overusing certain phrases or ideas. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • Consider including a brief overview of the main points in the introduction.
  • Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to guide the reader.
  • Include a stronger final statement in the conclusion to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Avoid overusing certain phrases or ideas to maintain the reader's interest.
9

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a high level of lexical resource in your essay. Your vocabulary is wide and varied, and you have used it flexibly and accurately to express your ideas. You have also used some less common vocabulary, which adds sophistication to your writing. There are no errors in word formation or word choice, and your vocabulary is not dependent on the question. Keep up the good work!

Word count
283
250
283
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
5
3
5
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The answer is highly related to the question. The essay clearly identifies the problem of income inequality and proposes solutions to address it. The precision and focus of the answer are already quite good, but the writer could improve by providing more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a variety of structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It also uses a range of grammatical constructions such as passive voice, relative clauses, and modal verbs.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are well displayed in the essay. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices and referencing to link ideas and arguments.