IELTS Essay Band 8.5: Gap between the rich and the poor

Question
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The gap between rich and poor continues to widen in many countries.

What do you think are the main causes of income inequality, and what can be done to address this issue?

Your submission
Income inequality has become a pressing concern in numerous countries as the gap between the rich
continues to widen. This essay aims to identify the primary causes of income inequality and propose potential solutions to tackle this persistent issue. One significant cause of income inequality is the unequal distribution of wealth and resources. Factors such as inheritance, access to quality education, and job opportunities contribute to the perpetuation of disparities. Additionally, globalization and technological advancements have led to the polarization of the labor market, with high-skilled workers benefiting while low-skilled workers face increased job insecurity and wage stagnation. Another major factor is the influence of institutional and policy frameworks. Favorable tax systems, loopholes, and subsidies often benefit the affluent, exacerbating income inequality. Insufficient social welfare programs, inadequate minimum wage standards, and limited access to healthcare and education further widen the divide. Discrimination based on gender, race, or ethnicity also plays a role in income disparities, impeding social mobility and creating systemic disadvantages for marginalized communities. Addressing income inequality requires a comprehensive and multi-faceted approach. First and foremost, governments should focus on progressive taxation, closing tax loopholes, and implementing policies that redistribute wealth more equitably. Enhancing access to quality education and vocational training can provide individuals with better employment prospects and promote upward mobility. Strengthening social safety nets, including robust healthcare and welfare systems, can mitigate the impact of economic shocks and provide a safety net for the most vulnerable. In conclusion, income inequality arises from a combination of factors,
distribution of wealth, systemic disadvantages, and inadequate policies. Tackling this issue requires a concerted effort, encompassing tax reforms, improved access to education, and strengthened social welfare programs to foster a more inclusive and equitable society.
Your band
8.5
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 8

Grammar


Band: 9

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 8

Lexical Resource


Band: 8

Band breakdown
8

Task Achievement

This essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and addresses it effectively. The writer clearly identifies the main causes of income inequality and proposes comprehensive solutions. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The arguments are logical and well-supported. However, the inclusion of more specific examples or case studies could further enhance the essay.

Band breakdown & tips
  • The essay is already well-written and addresses the task effectively. However, the writer could potentially include more specific examples or case studies to further illustrate the points made.
  • The writer could also delve deeper into the impact of income inequality on society to provide a more comprehensive picture of the issue.
9

Grammar

You have demonstrated a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy in this essay. Your use of a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, enhances the clarity and coherence of your arguments. You have also managed punctuation effectively, further improving the readability of your essay. Keep up the good work!

8

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done an excellent job in maintaining coherence and cohesion in your essay. Your ideas are logically organized and the progression of thoughts is clear. However, you could use a wider variety of cohesive devices and avoid overusing certain phrases. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • Use more varied cohesive devices
  • Avoid overuse of certain phrases
8

Lexical Resource

You have done an excellent job in terms of Lexical Resource. Your vocabulary range is wide and varied, and you have used your words precisely and appropriately. Your writing is clear and easy to understand, and you have demonstrated a good command of English language. However, you could try to use more idiomatic expressions to make your writing more natural and fluent. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • Try to use more idiomatic expressions to make your writing more natural and fluent.
  • Continue to expand your vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and accurately.
  • Keep practicing your writing skills to maintain your high level of proficiency.
Your strong phrases
pressing concern in numerous countries
unequal distribution of wealth and resources
polarization of the labor market
influence of institutional and policy frameworks
systemic disadvantages for marginalized communities
comprehensive and multi-faceted approach
progressive taxation, closing tax loopholes
mitigate the impact of economic shocks
concerted effort, encompassing tax reforms
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