IELTS Essay Band 9: Higher taxes on unhealthy foods

Question
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Some people argue that the government should impose higher taxes on unhealthy foods to encourage healthier eating habits, while others believe that individuals should have the freedom to choose what they eat.

What is your opinion?

Your submission
The issue of imposing higher taxes on unhealthy foods to promote healthier eating habits has sparked a debate. While some argue that the government should take a proactive role in influencing dietary choices, others emphasize the importance of personal freedom and responsibility. In my opinion, a balanced approach is needed that respects individual autonomy while addressing public health concerns. Advocates of higher taxes on unhealthy foods argue that such measures can
healthier eating habits and reduce the burden of diet-related diseases on public
systems. By increasing the cost of unhealthy foods, individuals may be encouraged to opt for healthier alternatives. This approach aligns with the government's duty to protect and promote the well-being of its citizens, especially when it comes to
health issues. On the other hand, opponents of
taxation emphasize the importance of individual freedoms and personal responsibility in making dietary choices. They argue that imposing higher taxes infringes upon personal liberties and could disproportionately affect
individuals. Instead, they propose that governments focus on education and
, empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their diets without the need for external control. In my view, a balanced approach is required to reconcile these divergent perspectives. While the government should play a role in promoting healthier diets, it should prioritize education and awareness programs. By equipping individuals with knowledge about nutrition, healthy cooking, and portion control, the government can empower them to make informed choices that align with their own well-being and
health goals. In conclusion, while higher taxes on unhealthy foods can be an effective tool to promote healthier eating habits, it is essential to strike a balance between individual freedom and public health. A combination of educational initiatives and personal choice can lead to sustainable and positive dietary changes.
Your band
9
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 9

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 9

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 8

Lexical Resource


Band: 9

Band breakdown
9

Task Achievement

This is a well-written essay that clearly addresses the question and presents a balanced argument. The writer has done a good job of presenting both sides of the argument and has given a clear opinion. The ideas are relevant and well-developed, and the essay is logically structured. However, the writer could improve the essay by providing more specific examples or evidence to support the points made.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Provide more specific examples or evidence to support the points made.
  • Include more detailed discussion on the potential impact of higher taxes on low-income individuals.
  • Discuss more about the role of education and awareness programs in promoting healthier eating habits.
9

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have done an excellent job in terms of Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Your essay is free from significant grammatical errors, and you have used a variety of sentence structures effectively. Your punctuation is also well managed. However, to further improve, you could try to incorporate more varied sentence structures and verb tenses. Keep up the good work!

Band breakdown & tips
  • The essay is already well-written, but to further extend the grammatical range, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence structures, such as more complex sentences or compound-complex sentences.
  • The writer could also use more varied verb tenses and moods, such as the subjunctive or future perfect.
  • The use of more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could also enhance the grammatical range.
8

Coherence and Cohesion

You have written a well-structured and coherent essay. Your ideas are logically organized and the progression of your argument is easy to follow. You have effectively used a variety of cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement. Consider stating your opinion directly in the introduction and providing more specific examples or evidence in the body paragraphs. Also, try to summarize your main points more succinctly in the conclusion. Keep practicing and you will continue to improve.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Consider stating your opinion directly in the introduction to guide the reader's understanding from the beginning.
  • Provide more specific examples or evidence in the body paragraphs to support your arguments.
  • Summarize the main points more succinctly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow and coherence of your writing.
9

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a strong command of vocabulary in this essay. Your word choice is precise and appropriate, and you have used a wide range of vocabulary to express your ideas. You have also shown flexibility in your use of language, using a variety of words and phrases to express the same idea. There are no errors in word formation or word choice, and your vocabulary is not dependent on the vocabulary of the question. Keep up the good work!

Word count
294
250
294
Recommended word count: 250+
Paragraph count
5
3
5
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors
Writing Precision
The answer is highly related to the question. The writer has addressed both sides of the argument and has given a clear opinion. The precision and focus of the answer can be improved by providing more specific examples or evidence to support the points made.
Grammatical structures
The essay uses a variety of structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It also uses a range of grammatical structures such as conditionals, passive voice, and relative clauses.
Relationships between ideas
The relationships between ideas are well displayed in the essay. The writer effectively contrasts the two opposing views and then presents their own perspective.