IELTS Essay Band 9: Higher taxes on unhealthy foods

Question
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Some people argue that the government should impose higher taxes on unhealthy foods to encourage healthier eating habits, while others believe that individuals should have the freedom to choose what they eat.

What is your opinion?

Your submission
The issue of imposing higher taxes on unhealthy foods to promote healthier eating habits has sparked a debate. While some argue that the government should take a proactive role in influencing dietary choices, others emphasize the importance of personal freedom and responsibility. In my opinion, a balanced approach is needed that respects individual autonomy while addressing public health concerns. Advocates of higher taxes on unhealthy foods argue that such measures can incentivize healthier eating habits and reduce the burden of diet-related diseases on public healthcare systems. By increasing the cost of unhealthy foods, individuals may be encouraged to opt for healthier alternatives. This approach aligns with the government's duty to protect and promote the well-being of its citizens, especially when it comes to preventable health issues. On the other hand, opponents of excessive taxation emphasize the importance of individual freedom and personal responsibility in making dietary choices. They argue that imposing higher taxes infringes upon personal liberties and could disproportionately affect low-income individuals. Instead, they propose that governments focus on education and awareness campaigns, empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their diets without the need for external control. In my view, a balanced approach is required to reconcile these divergent perspectives. While the government should play a role in promoting healthier diets, it should prioritize education and awareness programs. By equipping individuals with knowledge about nutrition, healthy cooking, and portion control, the government can empower them to make informed choices that align with their own well-being and long-term health goals. In conclusion, while higher taxes on unhealthy foods can be an effective tool to promote healthier eating habits, it is essential to strike a balance between individual freedom and public health. A combination of educational initiatives and personal choice can lead to sustainable and positive dietary changes.
Your band
9
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 8

Grammar


Band: 9

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 8

Lexical Resource


Band: 9

Band breakdown
8

Task Achievement

This is a well-written essay that clearly addresses the question. You have presented a balanced argument and clearly stated your own opinion. Your ideas are relevant and well-developed, and your essay is logically structured. However, you could improve your essay by providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. Also, exploring the potential impact of higher taxes on low-income individuals and discussing alternative solutions in more detail could make your argument more compelling.

Band breakdown & tips
  • The writer could provide more specific examples or evidence to support their points.
  • The writer could explore the potential impact of higher taxes on low-income individuals in more depth.
  • The writer could discuss alternative solutions to the problem in more detail.
9

Grammar

You have done an excellent job in terms of Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Your essay is free from grammatical errors, and you have used a wide range of sentence structures effectively. Your use of punctuation is also commendable. Keep up the good work!

8

Coherence and Cohesion

You have done a good job in maintaining coherence and cohesion in your essay. Your ideas are logically organized, and you have used a variety of cohesive devices effectively. However, you could improve your essay by using more complex cohesive devices and varied linking words. Keep practicing and you will continue to improve.

Band breakdown & tips
  • The writer could use more complex cohesive devices, such as concession (although, even though) and condition (if, unless).
  • The writer could also use more varied linking words to enhance the flow of the essay.
9

Lexical Resource

You have demonstrated a strong command of vocabulary in this essay. Your word choice is precise and appropriate, and you have used a wide range of vocabulary to express your ideas. You have also shown flexibility in your use of language, and your spelling and word formation are accurate. To further improve, consider incorporating some idiomatic expressions into your writing, and continue to expand your vocabulary. Well done!

Band breakdown & tips
  • Try to incorporate some idiomatic expressions to further enhance your lexical resource.
  • Continue to expand your vocabulary to include more uncommon words and phrases.
  • Maintain the high level of precision in your word choice.
Your strong phrases
a balanced approach is needed that respects individual autonomy while addressing public health concerns
reduce the burden of diet-related diseases on public healthcare systems
aligns with the government's duty to protect and promote the well-being of its citizens
empowering individuals to make informed decisions about their diets without the need for external control
equipping individuals with knowledge about nutrition, healthy cooking, and portion control
strike a balance between individual freedom and public health
A combination of educational initiatives and personal choice can lead to sustainable and positive dietary changes
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