IELTS Essay Band 4: Employment rate line graph

Question
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The line chart below shows the employment rate in four different industries in Australia from 1985 to 2015, in five-year intervals. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

academic writing chart
Your submission
The line
provides
about the
rates in four
sectors in
from 1985 until 2015, with
distance. There are four areas we are focusing on are technological,
,
and
.
sector
from
12% in the year of 1985 and it had
to around 55% in 2015. Health care workur rate also began close to 10%,
fast and
60% after 30 years, meaning by the end of 2015. In
field, the
rate
level of just 8% in 1985 and
rise up
but
get to 52%
showed in the
, 2015. On the
hand, In retail, initial rate was
14% in 1985, which
bit by bit in the
1995 reaching 24%. However, from that
, the
are on the
and
up at only 5% in year 2015. In
,
, helth care and
in
rates during the
, while in retail
shows a great
in the worker rates.
Your band
4
Overall band

Bandscore

CATEGORY
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Task Achievement


Band: 4

Grammatical Range & Accuracy


Band: 4

Coherence & Cohesion


Band: 3

Lexical Resource


Band: 4

Band breakdown
4

Task Achievement

You have attempted to address the task, but there are several issues with your response. Firstly, the grammar and spelling need significant improvement to make the text more readable and understandable. Secondly, the accuracy of the chart description is low, with many data points being incorrect or unclear. To improve, focus on selecting the main trends and features from the chart and use accurate data points to support your description. Additionally, make comparisons between the industries where relevant. Overall, your response needs considerable improvement in terms of grammar, accuracy, and content.

4

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

You have attempted to use a variety of sentence structures in your essay, but there is still room for improvement. Frequent grammatical errors, incorrect word forms, and spelling mistakes impede readability and communication. It is important to proofread your work and practice forming complex sentences to enhance your grammatical range and accuracy.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Improve verb forms
  • Correct word forms
  • Use appropriate prepositions
  • Proofread for spelling errors
  • Practice forming complex sentences
3

Coherence and Cohesion

You have attempted to present the information from the line chart, but the coherence and cohesion of your essay need significant improvement. The relationships between ideas are difficult to follow, and the organization of your essay is unclear. Your grammar and spelling errors make it challenging to understand the main message. To improve, focus on organizing your ideas logically, using appropriate linking words, and managing paragraphing effectively. Additionally, proofread your work to eliminate grammar and spelling errors.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Improve grammar and spelling
  • Use appropriate linking words and phrases
  • Organize ideas logically
  • Manage paragraphing effectively
  • Avoid repetition of ideas and linking words
4

Lexical Resource

You have made an effort to describe the line chart, but your Lexical Resource is limited and repetitive. There are numerous errors in word formation and spelling, which make the meaning unclear and difficult for the reader. To improve, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary, correcting spelling and word formation errors, and practicing idiomatic expressions and less common vocabulary.

Band breakdown & tips
  • Correct spelling and word formation errors.
  • Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
  • Avoid using unnatural or inappropriate words.
  • Practice using idiomatic expressions and less common vocabulary.
Word count
195
160
195
170
Recommended word count: 160-170
Paragraph count
4
3
4
4
Recommended paragraph count: 3-4
Grammar errors